An AnderSiN Editorial:
A submissive isn’t just giving you their body- they are giving you their trust.
Trust, despite what you may think, trust is finite. Over time it is depleted and taken from a person. Leaving them with very little if any at all.
While Dom’s mistakes/scars are worn by submissives or internalized as emotional and/or mental scars, bad Dom also takes trust away as well.
And yes through hard work of good dominants and the submissive new trust can be mined and regained. However it is a different trust, never the same, and often just for the person who minded it with sub.
No all Doms are bad.
Many aren’t malicious,
But too many are careless and sloppy.
This is why as an umbrella community we need to focus just not on teaching but holding teachers to a very high standard.
We focus to often on Physical harm over emotional and mental. We excuse too much toxic behaviors as too many will tell you, you have to expect some abuse in the community it’s the price of admission.
I am here to tell you no it’s not.
It is 2024 and we know better.
Time for fewer excuses.
Time for more accountability.
Let’s stop thinking about losing play spaces because we call out the owner for consent violations and see it for what it is- if that place closes the abuse stops!
Stop those who hide behind toxic behavior as they say they are socially awkward, awkwardness does not make your hands touch others without permission. It does make people feel entitled to make demands of others, Especially if they claim to be teachers. Teachers should have less to no excuses, as a teacher, self-proclaimed, means they are stating they know better and can teach it. If we can’t hold them accountable with the title of Teacher, how do we hold anyone accountable?
If you can teach what a consent violation is, and you violate someone’s consent, you are a predator.
We have a decision to make:
Do we want to protect through education and accountability those who join us in communities or do we want to have spaces where harm happens, people getting hurt by teachers who abuse and are predatory behavior cause good Community members to flee, possibly turning against us instead of a community member that would make the overall community better?
Trust, great people who would make the community better ( talking about the overall community not a specific one this is on us all) are run off daily.
Consider the predators, whether a friend that makes you laugh or not, can chase away literally hundreds of good people who won’t trust the community because they see the abuse and the danger and worse see that it is accepted. Those people who could have made our community better are forever gone, and they tell others this lifestyle is dangerous, it members are dangerous and have stories to share that prove it true. One bad apple ruins the bunch.
Stop making excuses.
Start listening, hearing, and understanding what is told is a true experience to that person.
Let’s stop waiting till it’s a dozen people complaining about one person, and let’s start protecting.
The way forward is
VETTED EDUCATION
{ “Teachers” should be questioned and watched and if they cannot answer or explain things properly they should be encouraged not to teach.
While the following will sound funny, it is actually dangerous. There was a “teacher who taught a DM class where they referred to DMs as dungeon Masters. Sure many laughed but so few realized how dangerous this moment was. When “” teachers cannot understand the basic knowledge they become dangerous.
Opinions as well cannot replace the things all good teachers teach. This is why it is so important we encourage people to seek out many different teachers on their journey. So they can see the baseline of knowledge and build on that. Getting taught by the same person, everything you know is dangerous. Especially when they don’t know what they’re talking about.}
Individual community vigilance and accountability is needed.
{without this bad roots take hold and harm the very soil the community is built on.}
Compassion over fantasy in Cultivated Accepting spaces:
{let’s celebrate communities as a place for education and acceptance. Let’s stop letting fantasy take over public space behaviors. Let’s stop calling people freaks and deviants and instead make spaces where people aren’t peacocking but instead sharing who they are not just the fantasy of themselves that too many do in community events. So many members are truly amazing people that we see come out in accepting and safe spaces. Toxic spaces just make abusive people speak. Let’s own our responsibility to keep the community safe for all at all times. }
Be Kind and be a voice that calls about abuse.
Discuss how to protect the community always under fire with people looking for an excuse to make us all criminals and find a way to arrest and ban us all, forcing us future underground We need to make this community represent the fundamentals that this lifestyle is based on and celebrate:
-Consent
-Communication
-Knowledge
-Skill
Be the change, and make accepting spaces for all with supportive behaviors.
